last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
