I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
