I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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