everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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