If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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