we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
