I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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