Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
