i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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