The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
