i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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