Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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