Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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