she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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