by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
