Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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