just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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