just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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