I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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