well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
