peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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