When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
