just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
