God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
