I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
