oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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