Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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