You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
