Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
