All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize