oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
