Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Your dad touched me again.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
