he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
