I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
