We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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