my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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