So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
