No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
