Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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