can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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