Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
