So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Is it because I queefed?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
