WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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