I wish I could punch you in the face.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
