he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
