He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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