your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
they need to just BURY HIM!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
