wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
