But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
