Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
