So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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