I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
