She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
PANTIES FOUND
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