how can u be prego again
farters have to be the big spoon...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
