Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
