brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
someone owes me an orgasm
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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