I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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