why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
