Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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