Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
