i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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