I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
