I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
