Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
