i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
