Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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