And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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