I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
