I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She told me I should be a condom model.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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