So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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