doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
